... in Bavaria

 

Adventures of the Anonymous Two in Bavaria

One day in the latter part of last year, as we sat having coffee after running club, Rod told us about the recent trail blazing trip he had been on in the Bavarian Alps. He then suggested that if a few of us were interested, we ought to go on a walking weekend there.

Like all good ideas, nothing much happened for several months. Then in a rush of excitement, Rod requested money from anyone who was interested in order to book the flights. After several million e-mails, transport to Stansted airport was finally sorted out, and at 6.00am on Thursday morning we all gathered at the Easy Jet check in. Jane's phone promptly rang - her husband checking she had arrived ok. 

Being much in need of coffee we queued at Café Presto – which actually had the most un-presto service possible.

After a quick trip round the shops we headed off towards Gate 6 for boarding. In a brilliant demonstration of Easy Jet efficiency, just as we were about to head towards Gate 6 Rod called to advise that actually we were now boarding from Gate 17. Before boarding the plane there had been at least another 2 or 3 calls for Jane – her husband needing to know vital things such as where certain children’s pink coats were. We wondered how her family would cope while she had the phone switched off during the flight.

We were treated to one of the most entertaining in-flight safety demonstrations ever seen. The young man doing it was so incredibly good looking that we all agreed that he must bat for the other side. He had dark hair that had probably taken a good hour to ruffle up into such a ‘natural mess’ way and tanned skin that can’t have been real. He also had incredibly blue eyes – probably coloured contact lenses. During the demonstration about how to put on a life jacket it all came asunder as the straps that are meant to be tied round your waist got all knotted up and he managed to somehow tie his legs together. It seems that our running commentary was not helping his predicament. He was trying to stop himself from laughing but it all utterly fell apart when he got the light, the whistle and the life jacket inflation tube terribly confused. If, in an emergency landing on water, any of us copied his example, we were all doomed.

On the flight we were informed by Rod that you can lessons in how to use your mobile as most people only know how to use 10% of their phone.

Later on in the flight the same trolley dolly whisked passed smelling of coconut having presumably moisturised during the flight to prevent his skin from drying out.

We arrived in Munich, collected our hire cars and pointed ourselves in the direction of the Alps. I have never seen an Alp from the ground before, and was suitably impressed as we drove alongside them toward Berchtesgaden, where we were staying.

After driving up and down the road a few times we finally happened upon Haus Achental where we were staying. A head popped out of the window and Rod used his very best German to tell it his name, whereupon the head (which belonged to a female body) replied with her name, and came downstairs. Another couple of handy German phrases enabled the two of them to establish that we spoke very little German and she spoke very little English.

She showed us a little kitchen in the breakfast room that contained a fridge full of drinks. We were welcome to help ourselves provided we noted down who had had what.

We were then shown to our rooms. Jane had a room to herself, Boyfriend and I were given a double and she said that she could put Freddy, Rod and Bungle into a third room together. They decided this was a great idea – until we were shown the room, which consisted of one single bed and one double bed. After some ribald debate they accepted it all the same.

There was then a bit of a ‘rush’ for them to get their luggage from the cars and ‘bag’ their bed. In the end Rod and Freddy decided to share the double bed.

Actually it wasn’t as bad as it sounds. There were 2 single duvets and the bed was huge. Boyfriend and I had to roll over a few times before finding each other in our double. Bungle, in true man style, immediately christened the bathroom.

We ventured into town for the afternoon to sample the local beer and do a bit of shopping for presents, postcards and things we had forgotten to pack. The town was a 15 minute walk from our B&B, and included a rather cheeky hill which we suspected would be a little less amusing after a day out on the Alps.

During the afternoon we retired to the B&B and sat in the breakfast room where our host and friends were engaged in a smoking revolution – Freddy struggled to breath within seconds. Rod showed us on his map the walks that he wanted to take us on, and which ones may be weather dependent. On the map, they all looked quite simple.

To make the spending of money a little simpler, we nominated Freddy as Kitty Meister, and each member of the group would regularly fund him with equal amounts of money. He would then attend to all the bills. As the locals were not aware of our kitty meister arrangement, they just thought that Freddy was a particularly generous fellow.

That night we dined in what was to be our local hostelry for the next few days and realised just what a meat eating nation the Germans were. The hock of ham consisted of about half a pig, served with a steak knife stabbed into it.

We also had a rude introduction to knödels – or dumplings, as we say in England. There are a number of different types of knödel, all of them heavy enough to kill if dropped from a first floor window. Of the ones we met that evening, there were herb style and bogey style. By bogey I mean that it was green, slimy and alarmingly bouncy. Apparently one of the main ingredients is suet.

Few of us could finish our meal – the portion sizes were just so huge, and the meals were very heavy. We were also drinking a lot of beer, which perhaps wasn’t helping.

Rod advised us that on the morrow we would breakfast at 8.00am and set off shortly afterwards to the Wimbachclam for our first day of walking.

The following morning Freddy appeared all newly kitted out from Field and Trek, and for the rest of the trip regularly adopted the pose of ‘Man from Field and Trek’ along the lines of those that you see in the shop. Rod was devastated to find he had been outkitted – Freddy had gaiters, and he didn’t! Freddy was thereafter referred to as Gaiter Man. But Rod did have walking poles.

Breakfast consisted of rolls, cheese, meat, jam, coffee and a boiled egg. Bungle picked up a slice of cheese and promptly smothered jam on it. We all looked on a little curious. ‘It’s a continental thing’ he explained, ‘they all do it over here’. Not wanting to seem unadventurous some of us tried this new combination and found that it tasted rather like cheese with jam on. Bungle then went on to tell us that the best way to have bananas was with melted cheese on top. We got our own back, however, by eating boiled eggs around him – he loathes boiled eggs, almost to the point of having to leave the table. I told him that he obviously hadn’t tried them with grated chocolate.

We ran out of milk for the coffee and one of the group ventured into the kitchen to get some more. Out of nowhere, our fearsome hostess appeared and got it for us instead, making it very clear that we were not to go into the kitchen. We also noticed that the coffee had come from a machine that we had been told was broken.

Rod informed us that the Alpine paths have huts on them that serve broth and drink so we didn’t need to carry food with us, however he suggested that we stop at a shop to get chocolate, sweets and such like for emergency rations. Bungle preferred to call them just rations, not being a massive fan of the word ‘emergency’.

At the car park we got our ticket which had the departure marked as 17.05.03. Freddy thought that meant we only had until five past five. ‘Not just five past five’, I told him,’ but five past five and three seconds no less’. In fact, it meant we had until the morning of 17 May 2003. Easy mistake to make.

It was a beautiful warm, sunny day. The sky was blue and there was not a cloud in sight. The weather forecast had been for rain. We felt very lucky as we set off.

Having been out kitted, Rod was not to be out gadgeted. He had a GPS device which performs as an altimeter which not only told your altitude, but also plotted how far you had gone, how long you have been on the move for and drew a little picture of it all for you – which just goes to show that satellites can do more than provide you with TV channels.

Within minutes people were removing layers of clothes and sweating immensely. The initial part of the walk was not particularly difficult. It was a persistent up hill, but in varying degrees of slope. There was then a short slog through the woods to cross over a ridge towards the Archangel. At the top of this ridge we were rewarded with wonderful views of the Watzmann and the area where the Sound of Music was filmed. There were therefore various moments where people spontaneously broke into ‘The Hills are Alive’.

 

We also had small musical renditions of ringing phone from Jane’s direction.

Walking poles are generally used for steep ups and steep downs. On some of the less steep ups Rod simply carried his poles. ‘I wish I had some poles to carry up the mountain like that’ commented Freddy, at great risk to his person.

We heard an avalanche as we were walking up – but unfortunately couldn’t see anything.

Having eagerly anticipated being rewarded with a hut providing food and drink, it was disappointing to find that the hut was closed. At this point Rod consulted his walking book and found that the season doesn’t start until 25 May, and the huts would not be open until then. We were very glad of our emergency sweet and chocolate supply. Werther’s Originals, just like grandpa used to make, sustained us admirably.

We walked down to the Archangel and sat in the sun overlooking the Konnigsee. It was a beautiful site and after a nice rest, decided to return to the hut area for to lunch on our various emergency rations. Being short of water by then, I also filled my water bottles from an Alpine stream, which tasted much better than the bottled stuff that claims to come from the Alps.

 

After our break we then trotted off behind Rod to circle along the mountains and then turn back towards the car park.

The path we took rose higher, through some woods and there was a not inconsiderable amount of snow. Around the path, which was about a foot wide, this was largely melting. Lumps of snow would fall occasionally from the trees around us as well.

Rod pointed to what looked like an almost sheer rock face ahead of us, with some very small people on it and broke the news to us that was where we were headed. He added that it didn’t look as bad once you got there. We all decided we were game and continued onwards, pausing momentarily for a group photo. Well, it should have been momentarily.

Originally we posed in the snow, but then realised that in front of us was a beautiful Alpine scene that would make a better backdrop. So we moved position. Then Rod, while setting the automatic timer, actually took a picture. ‘Oh sod it’, he said, and started again. He decided to take another one, just to be sure. The second ‘Oh sod it’ followed by a click indicated that there had been another small error in setting the timer.

The path after this started to lose any resemblance to being a path and became a scramble up rocks. Turning back was no longer an option. We then reached the sheer rock face part, which admittedly did not look too bad close up. To help you round and up it some one had very kindly attached a metal rope onto the rocks so that you could just pull yourself up.

 

We paused at the top of this for a much needed water break and Werther’s Original. We also discussed vital life affecting topics, such as chocolate versus orgasm, and naked Timotei girls running down the mountains. Don’t forget – we hadn’t eaten much and had been walking for over 5 hours. Our minds weren’t functioning normally.

The path continued in an upwards direction towards the Watzmannhaus where we reach a flattish snowy area, and on seeing how much further up the Watzmannhaus was, made the decision to head down, rather than up. We thought we would welcome a bit of downhill, but after a while our knees disagreed. Rod lent his walking poles to Jane, but her natural lack of co-ordination came the fore and she was completely unable to walk with them.

 

We passed another, obviously derelict hut. There were strange animal noises coming from inside.I asked Jane what was in it. ‘Freddy’ she replied.

On the way back down, through the woods, we heard an animal noise (a real animal, not Freddy) that many of us attributed to some kind of bird. Freddy disagreed. ‘It’s a moose or an elk’ he insisted. When we saw the crow he exclaimed ‘a crow impersonating a moose’. We wished it had been a moose – preferably strawberry flavour.

The walk ended with a spectacular boardwalk built through a narrow ravine filled with rushing water from the melting snow and ice running off the surrounding mountains.

Water was running down the sides of the ravine, from everywhere. It was wonderful, noisy and cooling.

 

On the way back to the car we were drawn towards a café where we had a cold drink or beer (Boyfriend) and an apple strudel. It was the best apple strudel in the world. Hard to know if it was this good just because we were so in need of food by then, or, from the men’s point of view, due to the beautiful blonde that served it. It seemed that she fitted the bill for a naked Timotei girl. Rod also informed us that we had walked about 1000m metres up and done a round trip of 10 miles. No wonder we ached.

We retired to the B&B for a shower before dinner, feeling very pleased with ourselves. Our landlady asked if we had been to the Eagle’s Nest. ‘Nein’, replied Rod, ‘Watzmann’. She looked stunned and holding her hand at hip level asked ‘shnei?’ Rod shrugged and replied ‘melting shnei’. His credibility at speaking German crumbled then and there.

We had a while before dinner was booked, so relaxed in our respective rooms. We later found out that Bungle had spent part of that time chatting to Rod and Freddy. After a while, surprised by their lack of response, he looked round and realised he had talked them both to sleep.

For dinner we tried to avoid things that involved the bogey dumpling. I had lieberknödelsuppen as a starter . Which basically is liver dumpling in stock water – and it was delicious. Rod warned that it had wind effect. I warned Boyfriend. Generally speaking, dinner was a lucky dip event. If you could pronounce what you were having, this was a start. Knowing actually what would appear in front of you was another matter entirely.

It meant that you needed remember what the food you ordered was called (or near enough) as you certainly wouldn’t recognise it.

We also sampled the house wine. Lots of it – except for Boyfriend, who continued to sample lots of beer instead. During this we discovered that Bungle was a bit of a wine connoisseur. He told us all about telling the age of a wine by whether it was purple or brown, as well as about its nose. As he became steadily drunker he insisted on topping up our glasses as they emptied, and managed to spill a bit in even spaces around the table cloth. As he moved round we wondered whether he would maintain the pattern. Even after sitting down for a moment to contain himself, he still split it. Eventually he gave up. Bungle therefore took up the vacant post of wine meister.

The following day, we had another 8am breakfast. Again, someone had to run to gauntlet of the host to top up on milk. Again, she appeared from nowhere. We decided that she must have some sort of alarm system to alert her when the kitchen is being invaded. We had noticed the SS-issue long black leather coat on the back of the door.

Having learnt from the previous day's hut experience, we ventured into town to stock up on  more substantial lunch provisions before heading off for our walk. We also bought a few souvenirs. Freddy, Jane and Boyfriend, all having young daughters bought yodelling bears. Small bear – push its belly and it yodels.  We did of course set off all the bears in the shop first.

For this walk we took a cable car to Jenner, 1874m high. I was rather confused by this as the cable car was referred to as a gondola. I also felt that we were cheating a little bit.

During the cable car ride, to calm Jane’s slight dislike of heights Rod did his very best Sean Connery impersonation, and told Miss Moneypenny not to worry. In the event, the cable car ride did not cause Jane any problems, and she only arrived at the top rather giddy because of the Connery influence. As Rod is Scottish he is able to do this impression rather well.

Rod was excellent at disinformation in respect of what exactly we were doing that day, somewhere along the way we had got the impression that it was about a 3k walk. Along that is, rather than up. He didn’t mention about the up. And he kept looking to his right at a rather large mountain. Oh yes, that was the one we were climbing.

To our dismay, we had to go down the mountain from the Jenner to get to the mountain we were to climb.

 

After a while we reached the first hut we had seen that was open, just over the Austrian border. Without thinking, we carried on walking up the mountain, where the path rapidly deteriorated into a narrow rocky track. We were also getting some deep snow and I wondered if Bungle regretted his decision to wear shorts.

As we moved off the path onto the side of the mountain the snow deepened to several feet. There were several snow holes we could see and tried to avoid. For the lighter among us the snow top walk was generally alright, although there were moments of sinking into it up to our thighs. We were aware that we were walking on the top of stubby bushes, so deep and solid was the snow.

Our route up the mountain started to zig zag between rocks and grassy areas so that we could limit the amount of time we spent knee deep in snow. Walking through deep, sinking snow is very tiring.

 

At one large grassy area we made a group decision to sit down for a break. As it was around lunch time, most of us took out some bread and ham and such like that we had bought that morning and made a sandwich to eat.

Bungle, who had been well and truly got by a particularly friendly lady in one of the shops, had bought a good weeks worth of things he probably didn’t really want. This included two things claiming to be sausages that were hard enough to stab someone to death with. He also had a peppered sausage – normal sausage shaped, well a bit wonky actually, that had been rolled in cracked pepper. Tasted wonderful, but looked like an unpleasant genital disease.

Rod stood up to continue walking but I protested that we hadn’t finished our sandwiches yet. He had somehow completely failed to notice that we were taking a lunch stop, so he then made his own sandwich and we had a few more minutes break.

Despite the rest, we were exhausted again within minutes once we re-commenced our upward climb. The top of the mountain was always within our view. And didn’t seem to be getting any closer.

 We did eventually reach the top – where, curiously, there was very little snow.

 

As most of us were British Military Fitness members, we did a few press ups and sits up on the summit just to show how fit we were. A German chap and the girl he was with looked on in amazement. We looked at them in amazement – they had brought their Alsatian type dog up the mountain for its afternoon walk - apparently the chap did this walk with the dog every weekend.

 

We relaxed at the top (2300m, or thereabouts, high) for a few minutes, blissfully unaware of what lay ahead. The weather had promised rain and Rod, keen to get the group to lower ground before this happened, insisted we press on. He looked at the route he wanted to take – covered in snow, heading out deep into the Alps.

 

The German couple were also headed that way and he asked if they were intending to follow the path round. Only the girl spoke English and she told us ‘I am following that man’.

As my water was running low, I filled the water bottle with snow to give it time to melt, and also ate snow if I needed a drink in the meantime. It was wonderful. And the snow was clean and untouched. No one had walked beyond the Jenner summit in this direction since the last snow fall.

The onward path made the snow we had encountered thus far seem like child play. There was only the 6 of us and the German couple going this way. The snow was waist deep in places. However, there was also the fun element of running, jumping, bounding, leaping down slopes and so on and so forth which can only be safely done in very deep snow.

On some slopes I felt the need to slide down on my bum. It had to be done. The German couple were larking about with the dog to equal extents.

Some parts were a little alarming. On the steeper slopes, not knowing where any path was we just walked round on the snow. But sometimes, if you sank deep, you could actually start to slide down the mountain a bit. These were high mountains, and there were some not too pleasant drops. As it was, each step caused reels of snow to run down the hillside, gathering pace and size before tipping over onto their side, like big Cumberland sausages.

I was amazed with my clothing – it was the proper kit, but I was stunned that my trousers were not wet at all, and though my boots were wet due to spending a few hours imbedded in snow, my feet were completely dry and warm. All of us were incredibly warm, sunglassed against snow blindness, and getting tanned or sunburnt despite the very little sun, such was the brightness of the snow. I had never seen so much snow, or been in so much snow. There was whiteness everywhere. And also a bit of yellow that almost spelt Rod. Rod had tried to write his name with urine, but had run out of pressure mid way through the process.

By now Jane was using one of Rod’s walking poles – she could master one as opposed to two. Rod’s disinformation continued. We kept expecting to turn back towards the way down, and kept going deeper and deeper into the mountains as grey clouds gathered above us. There was one particularly nasty ledge to negotiate, and Jane gathered herself for a few minutes before going round it. During this time she referred to Rod in unfavourable terms and jolly nearly used his pole as a javelin with the obvious results. Heroically, she then clambered down seemingly without a care in the world.

Rod kept pushing us on. Aware of ominous clouds he was keen to get back to paths and snow free areas in case the rain came. We felt like proper mountain explorers.

The down hills in the snow were quite easy as you just run or bound it. However, when you did sink a leg into a snow hole, many of us found that the unsunk leg would go waist deep the minute you put extra force on it to try and release the first sunken leg. Both Jane and I had to be pulled out by the men at times.

 

I wondered if Bungle’s bare legs were cold at all, but he seemed fine. The only problem was that the snow could get into the top of his boots quite easily and his feet were therefore rather wet. Freddy was most pleased with his gaiters, but found they had a design fault in respect of snow walking as the back kept riding up above his boot line.

We did eventually start to head down a narrow ravine which had trees and greenery down it. Once out of the snow, we stopped for a break and for Bungle to empty the water from his boots. I also filled my water bottles from freshly running Alpine springs again – now that we were back in an area of unfrozen water.

Our onward path was impeded here and there by trees that had fallen across it. No one had bothered to clear these – I suppose they figured that anyone who had coped with the snowy paths to get there could manage to climb over a couple of fir trees. Although Bungle did not enjoy the experience after a branch went up his shorts.

At one point during the walk back down through the trees we heard an animal screeching noise – naturally we assumed it was the lesser spotted moose which is common to these parts (according to Freddy). It was in fact a marmot. And there were loads of them.

As we walked back down the path it occurred to Rod that the time was 5.45pm and we didn’t know what time the cable car stopped running. We had intended to head to the mid way one for the journey back down. The cable car stop was a reasonable hike along a fork in the path. If it wasn't running, we would have to come back. so it was an important decision to make. The German couple believed it stopped as 6pm. We could not get there in time. A group decision was made to walk the whole way down the mountain back to the car park rather than chance it – the distance down was only a little further than the distance to the cable car, such were the paths arranged. It would have been too disheartening to get there, find it closed, and then have the long walk back to the intersection before continuing down again.

Although tiring, and wearing on the knees we enjoyed the walk down and the views that were afforded to us. I did ask Rod – from a distance – how many Euros we would have saved if we had just got one way tickets. It was good I was at a safe distance.

At one path junction the German couple asked if we had a pen. It then transpired that while the man did this walk every Saturday with his dog – both of whom must be among the fittest living beings on the planet – he had only met the girl today, and they wanted to exchange phone numbers. It was all very romantic but we wondered if she had known what she was letting herself in for when he asked her to accompany him on his dog walk.

As we neared the car park Freddy said ‘Confucius say - before man climb mountain, check timetable’. We duly checked the cable car timetable and found it stopped at 4pm which we all considered ridiculously early.

We arrived back at the car park and immediately started stretching our aching, well used limbs. A local couple in traditional dress asked where we had walked. As Rod showed the route on the map the man’s face changed from one of 'not bad', to 'oh my god' and then to sheer awe. He turned to us, took a step back and bowed in acknowledgement of our achievement. We then found out that he was a retired policeman who does go up the mountains regularly for what we think was safety and rescue training. Therefore a bow from him was huge respect. We had walked for 10 hours and covered somewhere around 15 miles. Apparently the 3k bit had been to the top of the Jenner only. Rod forgot to turn off his GPS before driving back to the B&B, and Boyfriend pointed out that he may get a call from the CIA for having walked all day and then broken into a 30mph run.

We had very little time to get showered and changed before dinner – which was probably good in case Bungle felt the need to talk to the boys again.

That evening, an appearance change was made. Freddy wears hair gel. Rod wears a hair style left over from the Beatles era. It was felt that a change was required. It has to be said that spiked hair did make Rod look about 10 years younger. He gleefully texted his wife to say he had changed his hair. Naturally the ‘What have you done to your hair’ message promptly came back. ‘Think Gareth Gates’ was the reply.

For dinner Freddy was determined to opt for something a bit lighter, and with hopefully a little less meat. Somewhere between that decision and ordering, it all went wrong and he ended up with a turkey salad for starter (but it was intended as a main course on the menu and showed up as main course size) followed by a huge plate of spare ribs with chips.

Rod was again unable to finish his meal – and stunned that Boyfriend and I kept managing to. To stop himself from picking at it he would cover it with salt, pepper, sugar – anything to make it taste awful. Jane considered this to be a bit rude, but Rod’s attitude was that he had bought the meal and could therefore abuse it anyway he fancied.

None of us could manage pudding.

We did however manage some more wine and also ventured into schnapps. The first one we got was so revolting that some of us were unable to drink it. Boyfriend kindly downed mine for me and Jane’s ended up being poured into the vase of flowers on the table – which promptly died.

While Jane was trying to revive the flowers the waiter returned, looked at the flowers and asked ‘schnapps?’. Jane nodded humbly while the rest of us looked on and laughed.

We asked for the bill in our newly learnt word for it – bezahlen. More schnapps appeared. Freddy wondered if the word for bill actually meant ‘more schnapps please’ and perhaps we should try another word next time. The second lot of schnapps was not quite so horrible.

The bill that night was considerably greater than that of the previous evening – the extra having been spent on drink.

As it was raining when we left (the rain which had been promised all day and never arrived), we treated ourselves to a taxi back, which was so cheap we thought he had made a mistake, and Rod asked if we could go round again. He also drove us there very quickly, and all agreed that he would never make any money if worked in London.

In honour of our efforts that day, Rod permitted us a lie in the following morning. We were to breakfast at 8.30am. The eggs we had for breakfast, instead of being usual brown, where white. Rod queried the ‘schwartz’ eggs. We all realised, and our hostess let him know, that schwartz is black, not white.

That morning, as a rest to our bodies, we took a trip to Hitler’s Kleinsteinhaus or Eagle’s Nest as we say in England. The area we were staying in was only a few miles from where Hitler’s home had been. There were therefore a lot of wartime associations in these parts.

 

We, and several million Americans gathered for the bus up the mountain to the Eagle’s Nest. The road is precariously positioned on the very edge of the mountain with some incredible hair pin bends and tunnels through the mountain.

To ensure a sense of calm reigned through the bus Rod put on a German accent and proclaimed ‘welcome to my bus. I have never driven up this road before. In fact, I have never driven a bus before’. Jane was a little unnerved at the absence of seat belts. Rod comforted her with the news that if the bus fell off the side, a seat belt isn’t going to save your life and that we should in fact have been issued with parachutes.

The trip round the building was interesting and a little creepy. We stood on the terrace on which there are many famous photos of Hitler. We saw he view out of the window across the mountains from where he would have seen Allied bombers coming in to attack. And we saw the Eva Braun room. There were many underground passages and tunnels.

On the bus on the way back down there was lady with incredibly bucked teeth. We all talked about her afterwards and the men mentioned that it must be horrible to kiss her. I pointed out that other sexual activities might actually be easier if your teeth were all neatly out of the way – as hers were. This would also explain why her boyfriend seemed so happy. The chaps instantly made a mental note to see if their daughters started to get buck teeth during their teens.

After our visit we bought an ice cream and headed into town to see if the locals knew such as a thing as a light lunch. Bungle had a smartie ice cream in which there are smarties inside the plastic ‘stick’. The ice cream made the first couple so sticky that he couldn’t get them out, and gave up. When we parked for lunch as he got out of the car he happened to turn the stick upside down at which point all the smarties fell on the tarmac. He was most upset.

We popped into town for lunch parking in the local car park which is one where you get a ticket on the way in, and then drive through a barrier entrance. During lunch Freddy lost his ticket. Rod had his ticket, so he paid and left the car park. Rod then drove back to the car park entrance, got another ticket but reversed back rather than coming in (the machine responds to the weight of the car and won’t issue a ticket if no car is there). Freddy took this ticket, paid and left. However, we had upset the whole system. When Rod took the spare ticket the barrier opened. Again, this responds to the presence of the car and won’t shut until a car has passed through. So the next people in just drove straight through – meaning they would have no ticket. Later that morning we then saw cars reversing away from the entrance implying that either we had totally broken the machine, or that the ticketless vehicle was having to get a friend to go through the same process that we had.

Our afternoon walk was a short one up to a glacier. It really was short. But the incline of the hill was so steep that in places it was almost impossible to walk up it. The constant pressure of this on my ankles and shins began to hurt. Then the rain, and thunder, came. Jane had done her hair that morning, and was not impressed that it was about to be ruined. Rod had also re-spiked his.

Bungle’s rucksack had a waterproof cover zipped into the bottom, which he undid and pulled over the bag. As Rod had the same make rucksack, Bungle suggested that he might also have this feature. Rod was embarrassed to learn that he did, and in all the time he had owned the rucksack he had never found this.

Freddy also kept discovering new pockets in his rucksack. Never mind phones, we then realised that most people only know how to use 10% of their rucksack

When at last we reached the first (closed) hut Jane and Freddy decided to wait there rather than continue. I wanted to see the glacier and according to the map it was ‘round the corner’ along a contour line rather than up any.

 

Whoever made the map should be shot. It was ‘round the corner’ but there were still a few cheeky ups and downs to go. I saw it – it wasn’t exciting. Covered in snow. The least they could have done is kept it clear. Boyfriend, Rod and Bungle decided to continue up the hill to the base of the glacier while I retired back to the hut. Freddy was asleep. Jane must have been talking to him.

As Jane’s hair dried it curled, and curled and curled.

Once the 3 adventurers returned we turned back down the hill to the car park. We were glad this was our last day of walking – our bodies could not have coped with more. The down was equally difficult to do – again some parts were almost too steep to walk on at all.

That night over dinner we decided to upgrade from house wine and use Bungle’s expertise to try and sample some German and Austrian decent stuff. Basically we worked our way down the wine list – and some of it wasn’t bad at all. As it was our last night we decided to force a dessert down, and went for apple strudel. This resembled dumpling with apple, but was remarkably light and delicious.

We again did the schnapps routine, but this time the waiter took the flowers away before handing the glass to Jane.

The next day was another early start as we had to get to the airport which was a couple of hours drive away. I managed to sleep for most of the car journey. As Freddy was driving this was probably a good thing as his driving was alarming to say the least.

We dropped off the hire cars, which were immediately pounced on by a team of Germans with clipboards, searching for scratches and dents.

 

At the airport the individual and hand luggage scanning was extremely rigorous. We even had to take off our shoes for them to be scanned. Everyone was individually frisked, and here my leg supports nearly sparked an international emergency (needed following leg injuries sustained in my recently completed 3 month training course culminating in completing the Royal Marine Commando tests, in army boots and carrying a 30lb back pack). The woman ran her hands down my legs, and felt them. She kept feeling them. She lifted both my trouser legs to look at them. I didn’t know the German for compartment syndrome and shin splints. I thought I’d be taken off to a side room to explain.

She let me proceed, but I was getting suspicious looks all round.

 

Bungle managed to sleep for most of the flight back. As he woke, Freddy said ‘Well, as I was saying . . .’. Bungle smiled.

We arrived at Stansted in pouring rain, collected our bags and parted ways. It had been a wonderful weekend, far in excess of our expectations. Bungle admitted he had never laughed so much for so long. We all hoped that Rod Inc Tours would do another trip soon. The adventures are all out there – we just need to go and experience them.

NOTES

The above is a true story. Some of the information about places visited is sourced from a variety of guide books. The author maintains rights over all other content.